You are my Sunshine !

“Mamma, I want this! You have to buy me this toy Papa” Aman was shouting at the top of his voice.

Everyone in the store was staring at him and his parents, Simran & Sanjay. Simran picked up the toy box and checked its price.

She turned towards Sanjay and said, its just 2000 Rs, let him have it. Sanjay also did not have any issues, after all, his son should have it all. He immediately put the toy in their shopping cart and moved ahead. Aman was ecstatic.

As soon as they reached home, Aman tore open the cover of the toy and started playing with it. It was a block game, but an advanced version of it. He started making an airplane from the blocks. After few futile attempts of getting the wings right, he got frustrated and threw away the blogs in all directions. “What kind of blocks are these, I am not even able to make wings. I don’t want it” Aman started crying.

“Its OK baby, we will get you a new one, a bigger one” Simran consoled her only son. Nobody bothered to even pick up the scattered blocks.

In the evening, Aman & Simran head out for their park time. Aman was busy playing with his friends while Simran was walking with her friends. She told the block game story to me and I immediately asked her, “Why did you even buy that toy for Aman? I would never have done that? Kids want everything but as parents we have to decide if they really need it or not”

“C’mon, he is our only son and why are we working so hard? For him, so that he can have a comfortable life? If we can’t even buy him a toy that he wants, then what is the point in earning so much?” Simran retorted to my reaction. I wanted to fight back but decided against it. This is not the first time I have heard these words or seen parents becoming slaves to their kids’ unjustified demands.

Or rather parents are falling prey to their own childhood wishes. As a kid, I always wanted to learn swimming, and had no means because their was no swimming pool in our town. Today when my son somersaults in pool , I see myself in him and feel content. A friend told me that as a kid she always wanted to have a barbie doll and so now her daughter has piles of Barbies. Another friend always had a craze for crocs and so when he bought the first pair of crocs for his son, he felt as if his dream has come true.

It got me thinking, why do we want our kids to have it all, the things that we couldn’t have? Are we trying to prove that we are more capable than our parents? Or is it the twinkle in our child’s eyes that makes us give them everything they demand. Or in our childhood we have so often yearned for something that we can’t stand our kids “longing for anything”.

Looking at my childhood, one day that was very special to me was my birthday. Ah, my birthday! Even the thought makes me smile. I was crazy about it. As soon as the calendar for next year would come, I would first check the day my birthday was falling. It gave me so much of happiness, not sure why, because we never had a birthday party. I always had mid-term exams on my birthday, but still it was a very special day for me. My parents and my brother would wish me, first thing in the morning, relatives and cousins would call and I was chirping the entire day, jumping from one corner to another saying, “its my birthday” at definite intervals. Mom would make my favorite food, Papa would come home a little earlier and my brother would just keep smiling at my happiness. There were no gifts wanted or given. BUT there was a lot of love, motherly love, fatherly love, brotherly love, name it and I had it.

All special occasions, festivals were marked with festivities and not shopping and gifting. On Diwali, my dad would ask us to go around to neighboring shops and offer sweets to everyone. On Holi, it was about making “tolis” and not about wearing white clothes and getting into colored swimming pool.

I still remember summers of May & June when I would cycle from school, carrying the heavy school bag, face red due to extreme heat and my parents were neither worried about the weight of my bag nor my complexion.

And only today, my son complained how heavy his bag was. He couldn’t even carry it from apartment gate to the lift which are hardly 20 meters apart. When I protested that he should carry his own bag, I got “what kind of mom is she” looks from other mommies and daddies. I gave in !!

Why are we underestimating our kids in all aspects of life? Whether its slight manual task like carrying schoolbags, emotional turmoil of handling fights or failures or yearning for a toy, we parents are always at their rescue. We do not let anyone (read anyone), scold our kids, or teach them the right thing to do. “Every child is different, we have to let them be” is what I hear from so many parents, who feel disciplining their child will restrict her/hers’ imaginative skills.

For me, bullying, bad language, troubling other kids, are definitely not imaginative skills. But again, I don’t have rights to discipline or scold any child other than mine. So I let them be.

Now coming to why is this change happening, in parents and kids? Kids are not to be blamed, because they are just exploring the options being given to them and who wouldn’t? So it all boils down to us, parents and I found some examples around me.

  1. Peace Loving Parents: These are mostly no-nonsense parents. Anything which is genuinely required is definitely bought remaining in a budget. Out-of-the-world demands, are a strict no, with an attempt to explain. However at times, they give in to child’s demands, for the sake of having some peace, under peer pressure, or under parent pressure.
  2. “Our Only Child” Parents: Parents in this category are victim of their self-made pity for child, “he is the only one, or he is alone”. “If we scold him then he won’t talk to us or confide in us. He will be emotionally unstable.” Such parents impose the duty of being a sibling, a friend, a caretaker, a punching bag on themselves. They forget the simple fact, that only being a parent is enough.
  3. “Scared” Parents: Such parents are always scared for their children, due to various reasons, like the child happened after many years and complications, or the child had a major accident in past, or too much in-take of “crime patrol”. Media, news, current state of crime against children, all play a role in forming of these parents. And they are not entirely wrong. However, when fear turns into obsession, it leads to major parenting problems.
  4. “Tech Savy” Parents: Such parents are highly technology oriented and cannot be blamed. Technology is our present and future. They make sure that their children have all types of comforts in form of gadgets. Feelings are given less importance. This is another reason of kids being glued to mobiles & tablets these days.
  5. “I don’t force my opinion on my child” Parents: I don’t need to explain much, however there is another side to it. Such parents get forced by their children’s opinion. In quest of allowing freedom and space to the child, they even move out of the “parent corner” of the child’s room.
  6. “Oh my poor child” Parents: These parents are always feeling bad for their child. Any discomfort expressed by the child makes them cringe and they can go to any extent to remove the pricking thorn. They don’t let their child experience the painful part of life at all. Child’s smile is of utmost importance to these parents.

Well I can keep writing….its again a vast topic. The way parenting is happening these days, it imposes serious problems for the future of our children, the same future which we are working so hard to secure. I once read an article that our parents had only one option, to work hard and make a life for themselves, so they focused on supporting their families. We had better options and financially stable background, thanks to our parents, and so we could widen our horizons. And our kids have an ocean to explore, but we are restricting them from taking steps, dreaming, yearning because we are too scared to loose them to the waves. In our quest to make our children’s life blissful, we are forgetting that “falling” is that essential part of life without which “walking” has no meaning.

For every mom & dad, children are their sunshine, but Sun shines only when it burns….are our kids truly shining like Sun?

High Heels

Meher felt uneasy, she turned to her side, trying to shield her ears with her cushion. Words that fell on her ears sounded like noise. She tried hard to sleep. But the dreams that filled her eyes and mind were disturbing. She didn’t see her fairy angel this time.

She woke up startled, and started kicking, trying to grab attention. Like always, kicking did not go unnoticed. Meher felt the pat and heard those magical words, “hey baby, so you are awake. Don’t worry, mamma is here. Are you hungry?”. Meher kicked again. “I knew” a pat with a chuckle. “You know what, mamma is hungry too. Lets eat something sweet”.

Meher felt content, and she dozed off in dreams coated with the sweetness of her mother’s words! “Mother’s womb is such a beautiful place to be”, she thought. But what was that noise?

Meher’s entry to the world was marked with bitter and sweet moments. At the age of 2, she was judged for being short, like her mother. At 5, she was advised to practice wearing heels when she grows up, if she wanted to grab a good husband. At 9, she was made fun of, for being the shortest girl in her class. “Nobody can see you”, everyone would laugh at her.

She would come crying to her mom, “Why am I not tall like other girls mamma? Why is being visible so important?. Her mamma had no answers, she was advised to eat protein rich diet during her pregnancy to have a tall baby. Meher was judged even before she was born. All her mamma could say was, “Don’t worry baby, mamma is here. I will buy you a beautiful pair of heels and then you will also be visible”.

At the age of 12, heels became Meher’s best friend. She wore them like a pro, blocks, stilettos, cone…she adored her heels for giving her, that much needed visibility.

At 13, she was hit by lightening. Her heels would not be able to help her anymore. She was covered from tip to toe in a black naqab. “Why were they all so worried about my height, if all they wanted was to cover me up?” she complained. She wanted to rebel, but her mamma stopped her. “It will not help you Meher. Find your own heels, and then everyone will see you”.

She found solace in books and read as much as she could. Meher was a natural at stage, an extempore speaker. Her voice would wake up the most sleepy heads in an auditorium. The shortest girl of the class started representing her school in debates.

College was a dream come true, she took a bold step to change her naqab into a hijab, but heels still remained her favorite. Now she had a face and also those heels, to make her stand out in the crowd. She was visible enough. Meher became an integral part of drama and oratory club. Her dream was to be a great orator, and she chose an idol for her. “I would be like him, one day”, she promised herself secretly.

“Hey Meher, director is calling you”, her friend called. Meher rushed towards the director’s room. She had good grades and she was outstanding at extracurricular activities, so there was nothing to worry about. “May be, there is an event coming up and they want me to compere for it” she guessed.

“Hello Sir, did you call me?” she opened the shaded glass door of director’s room after knocking once.

“Yes, Meher, please come in. I wanted to talk to you about an event”, director declared.

So she was right. She sinked into the chair and listened attentively.

“We have a special guest coming in next week and we want you to plan out a 2 hour program. It should be based on nationality, challenges of current generation and the changes that your generation want to see around you. I want you to take the lead. You can plan it as a drama or musical but you should speak about a topic. You will be the first student to meet our guest and also take a short interview”.

“Sure sir, who is the guest? I will prepare the interview questions accordingly”. Meher inquired.

“I can’t reveal that as its confidential. Don’t worry, I am confident that you won’t have any trouble framing your questions as soon as you meet him”, director smiled and indicated her to start with the preparation.

The Day

The college was buzzing with activity. Meher chose to wear sleek golden stilettos for the occasion. Guest had arrived. She hurried towards director’s room and knocked, “May I come in Sir”.

One look at the guest, made her go weak in her knees. She stumbled in her heels, getting engulfed in his aura. Her ankle twisted bringing her back to her senses, and she said, “Sorry Sir, I mean, Hello sir, its a privilege to meet you”. Interview went on for half an hour and she felt captured. Captured in his enigma. Her idol was sitting in front of her, answering her stupid questions.

“You have a great voice Meher. And you are extremely well informed. You would be a great orator one day.” he paused for a second and they said, “And your heels are beautiful”, he laughed out loud.

“Lets go to the auditorium for the cultural program sir”, Director said and Meher followed them.

She had to make an opening speech, the topic she had chosen was close to her heart, about her favorite heels. Meher walked on to the stage, stared down at her feet and stepped out of her stilettos. 4 inches shorter Meher stepped forward and opened her speech, all eyes curiously glued on to her.

“Hi everyone, can you hear me?”. A loud uproar echoed in the auditorium.

“Can you see me?”, audience burst out laughing.

“Never mind” and Meher continued.

It was her “Mitron” moment!!!