No Strings Attached (The Bond) – Part 2

Part 1 – http://thoughtschef.com/2020/02/17/no-strings-attached-part-1/

Mohit had first interacted with Rachel six months back when they were both assigned to work on a project. He was supposed to head the India market while she would be his counterpart from the US. They had instantly hit a great working relationship. With in a few calls, Mohit had realized, how diligent Rachel was towards her work. He had started respecting her.

He would often talk about his work and Rachel to his wife Samaira.
Samaira and Mohit were happily married for 2 years, though it wasn’t a love marriage, but Mohit being a born romantic always tried to surprise Samaira with his subtle ways. Samaira on the other hand was a very practical girl. She was always focused on a better life. And Mohit felt that the bond was missing, that even after 2 years, Samaira was holding herself back, that she didn’t love him.
The feeling nagged him all the time.
He constantly thought about how to win over her heart.

Project pressure was also increasing by the day and he interacted with Rachel on hourly basis now. They were always on call about work and during some light moments they would share jokes or even flirt with each other. Rachel once made a statement that she was spending more time with him rather than with her husband Pete.

After 6 months of practically talking to each other for hours, Rachel’s trip to India was planned. Mohit had his own plans for Rachel. But she is a smart women. It won’t be easy and he also had a guilt. She trusted him, was he doing right? But he needed to do it for himself.

After 2 glasses of wine, he felt relaxed and ready and so he asked her! She was intrigued. Exactly the reaction he had planned for. After another glass he had the next four evenings planned.

Next 4 days, he took care of Rachel, he loved her, bought flowers for her, took her for shopping, dinner to Indian restaurants. He opened his heart out to her. He told her about his childhood memories, good and bad. Heard her talk about her life, her dreams. He made her feel special, important.

After dinner on Friday night, he asked her if she was able to make up her mind and she said “you are 4 years late”. That meant an uncertain yes, but he wanted a definitive yes.

Later in the night when he dropped her at the hotel, he gave her a hug, a warm hug. And he knew he had succeeded. Rachel held him, she didn’t want to let go, she wanted more. At that moment, when they were so close yet so far, he knew, she meant “yes”. He moved away delicately.

They waited for a while in silence and then she went inside the hotel and he drove back home.

When the plane landed, and Rachel turned off the airplane mode, all she wanted was to see his reply. Her phone kept beeping, so many texts, from Pete, from her mom, finally she found what she was looking for, “4 days were enough, thanks Rachel”.

He saw the blue line, she had read it, he hugged Samaria and looked into her eyes. He was happy with himself, he could still make a woman fall for him. Some day, Samaira will also love him.

Note: If you liked the story and want more from it, then do leave a comment 🙂

No Strings Attached – Part 1

They sat next to each other on the corner table. Restaurant was surprisingly packed with diners for a Monday evening. Rock music was playing they could barely hear each other. It had been a long day at work and they were still discussing about the work they we’re supposed to handle together in the coming months or years if it lasted that long.
She was visiting India for the first time and apart from work, she also wanted to explore the city. Food being at the top of her list.
“Can you suggest some good eating joints near my hotel where I can try out some Indian delicacies?” She asked him.

“If you are ok with spicy food then you could try the Rajasthan special thali” he suggested.
Discussion went on about different Indian cuisines and she was amazed that how much one can do with a set of spices to add flavours in food. She couldn’t wait to try out all the possible flavours in next 5 days.
Conversation slowly drifted towards life in India and US and she realized that he was not only an intelligent coworker but also a very interesting person. She wanted to know more about him.
As if he read her mind, he asked “are you happy in your life?”
“What’s your definition of happiness? And in what context are you asking? Work? Life?” She found herself more an more comfortable talking to him.
Or was it wine playing tricks. She already had a jet lag.
“I meant in life, in marriage?” It wasnt a secret that she was married.
“Yes I am, off course there is lesser couple time now, but we have built a life together and so far I haven’t met anyone whom I could love more than him” she meant it.

“That may be because you haven’t spent as much time with anyone else” he gave her an expectant look.
“I spent 8 hours with you today and we are still together for another 2 hours I guess” she laughed and poured herself another glass of wine.
“Hmm…that’s not spending time. What do think about me?” He was being direct.
She kept looking at him, he couldn’t be serious. She was unable to judge his intentions. She was good at reading people, it was difficult to disguise your real self from her. But today she was at loss. She was intrigued by him.
“What should I think about you?” She was getting confused.
But he was not to be budged, “could you love me more than him?”
There it was, out in open. She had not expected this. The dinner was taking another course, in an unknown territory. She was used to casual workplace flirting but this was different. Was she willing to give an answer to his question, was she even aware of the answer?
“I will need more dates with you to be able to answer your question” she said as a matter of fact, hoping that he would end it there.
“Done! We have 4 more dates, starting from tomorrow evening” his eyes were gleaming.
He had planned it very smartly. And she had fallen for it.
Did she mind being duped? “No” !

Friday evening, when he paid for dinner, he asked, “so were you able to make up your mind?”
She smiled and said, “you are 4 years late”.
“I am ok to give you 4 years then” he grinned.

In her comfortable business class seat, sipping the sparkling wine, she sent a text, “4 years won’t be enough” and set the airplane mode on.

To be continued…..

Why is work life balance Not a Leadership principle in Indian Corporates?

Now, you might be thinking that why is she writing about leadership and related topics all the time? I have been reading a lot about some great leaders and also trying to decipher the leadership code by talking to colleagues, friends and people whom I consider leaders in their respective field of work. I have been bitten by leadership bug, not that I am trying to transform myself into a leader, but only my curiosity to understand this whole “hullabaloo” about leadership.

Wrong choice of word? Yes, I call it hullabaloo (fuss) for various reasons which I will probably explain in my next blog. Today’s blog is dedicated to a very keen observation that I have had over the years, working in Indian Software Industry.

A few disclaimers: This blog is not targeting anyone or any policy of any organization.

It was valentines day (Yes! yesterday). I wanted to leave early (read “on time”) from office. I had no plans for valentines day, but my car-pooling gang was waiting for me because I had told them that I would be able to leave early in the evening. Its a pain to get a cab in Bangalore during traffic hours and I didn’t want them to go through it.

As soon as I expressed my desire to leave early, a comment popup up, “Yes, we know its valentines day”. And we all laughed out loud. I didn’t try to clarify about my urgency to leave, neither was I asked. Anyhow….because we were done with other work, AND because of my repetitive reminders, I left almost on time.

However, another colleague (a male colleague) also packed his laptop with me, and got up to leave and immediately he got all the attention….”Hey man, where is the valentines day date”, followed by a roar of laughter (from me and others).

This incident for sure was a joke for everyone and it should be considered as harmless office humor. However, its also true, that personal life and choices are least valued in Indian corporate houses. I must also emphasize on the fact that men have more impact on their personal lives due to missing work-life balance because they have no right to leave early (on time). Women are excused mostly because “they have to cook” (pun intended). Men, sadly, have to compensate for their female colleagues who have to leave office “on-time” due to household duties.

Anyways, the whole idea of putting this incident on paper was to trigger a few thoughts:

  1. Why are our leaders not bothered or let’s say, do not respect their and our day-to-day work life balance?
  2. Why is finishing your work and leaving ON-TIME not valued?
  3. Why is staying late, beyond working hours, considered more competent and flexible?
  4. Why is a college graduate told during his/her induction to project, “This is the time you can learn, so don’t look at your watch or days, just stretch, work and learn”
  5. Why?

In this blog, I discuss some of these questions and I write mostly for my male colleagues, because again, “women have to cook”.

During my starting years of work life, when I was not married, I used to finish my work, including learning and implementation, with in my working hours. I was never addicted to tea/coffee/smoke and so, breaks were short, mostly water or washroom breaks. However I used to stay back for aerobics classes in office which was my stress buster and also my way of staying fit.

Once in a while I got to hear comments like, “Generation these days is not interested in learning, its a just 6 PM and floor is empty”. And I wondered, what kind of examples our managers wanted to set? I felt that an employee like me, would never be good enough because I left at 6 PM, I wanted to stay fit, I wanted to pursue a hobby, I wanted to be idle for sometime of the day.

It is sad, that Mr. Narayan Murthy’s beautiful message about “not staying late” in office has made several rounds on social media over the years, and still died without much impact on the working culture.

Moving on to middle years of my career, I got married and realized that aerobics had to be replaced with workout in society gym because time spent with my husband was important to build a strong foundation of our married life. So my 6 PM schedule remained.

But that does not mean that I was not flexible when there was an urgent release. I have worked late nights when I had WORK to do. I have learnt something new until whee hours of morning because learning is important, because I felt responsible for my work, not because someone was keeping a count of my “online” hours.

And now, when I have a kid, I still try to maintain the same routine, because, future of my child, and an entire generation depends on me. My duty is not only towards my work, but also towards the lives that define my existence and whose existence is dependent on me.

This was my story (so far) in short.  On the contrary, many male colleagues of mine gave up their personal life very soon, because they thought that working late and ignoring hobbies/friends/family was the key to success. For sure, their Linked In profiles prove, that they were right. However, I wonder, what kind of leaders would they be now? Probably, replicas of their own managers, wanting their team to stay late, ignoring their families?

A few days back, I had a chance to chat with a senior manager of a firm and he mentioned that, “It is so difficult to find employees with right attitude these days”. I can’t agree more with him, because over the years, WE have ruined the attitude, WE have created an impression to our next generations that dedication is not valued. Who is to be blamed?

Ironically, when we travel to other parts of the world and observe that how much “work-life balance” is valued there, we boost about it. In Germany, when an employee says, “I have to attend my daughter’s annual day”, he is encouraged to leave early because people there are aware of the fact that “happy moms/dads make happy employees”.  However in India, when an employee says, “I plan to leave a little early today, because my son has a rock music concert”, he is given a “don’t even think about it” look. How can we then expect our employees to not think of their jobs as “9 to 5 jobs”?

The other day, talk on the lunch table was about being a fit leader and how one might loose out on his progression due to fitness issues. The only thought that came to my mind was that, until 10-15 years of work life, everyone talks about working late, stretching at work and then everyone wants fit team members and leaders. Its similar to giving chocolates to a person until he turns diabetic and then asking him to give up on sweets.

Basically, I see the entire system collapsing, and any amount of perks and HR initiatives will not help our industry, unless WE re-define our leadership principles. Passion will be seen at work, only if a happy and content life exists, outside office premises.

So what shall we do? I thought of some simple ToDo list to start with:

  1. Reduce number of meetings, specially non-conclusive meetings. DO NOT name, unnecessarily long meetings as “Brainstorming sessions”
  2. Stop presentations. Microsoft power point is indeed a great tool, but do we really need a slide for everything that we have to convey?
  3. If you want to smoke, then smoke alone. Meetings over smoke sessions not only kill time but also people. Do you remember that passive smoking is more injurious to health?
  4. Keep the work bays lively and vibrant, not the coffee areas. A simple coffee maker & water dispenser would do.
  5. Learning is not an after office task. Plan tasks to include time for learning and innovation.
  6. Remember that we are human beings, the most intelligent life form on earth and not donkeys (bad use of words, can’t help it)
  7. Understand and follow that nothing (apart from nation) is more important than family.
  8. A bug not resolved today will be resolved tomorrow because it was created by you (I copied this line from a colleague)
  9. Trust (DOT)
  10. Valentine’s day is the day of love. Celebrate it and spread some love (I couldn’t help putting this one at the end :D)

And to sum it all, I will say, office is our second home, and let it not overshadow our first home.

I found the post from Mr. Narayan Murthy which is so apt, only if we could follow it.

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/message-from-mr-narayan-murthy-all-infosys-employees-satish-babu

 

Image Source: https://www.dreamstime.com/royalty-free-stock-photos-work-life-balance-image18087828